It's crappy, downright DAMNED crappy! My maternal family that is! They always like to accuse me of not treating them good enough, that I don't deserve their care. Well, here's the thing, I DON'T CARE! It's a real stupid thing, really, always comparing my actions towards my paternal family's sides against theirs. WHAT IS THE FREAKING POINT OF IT?!?! Comparing and accusing us of treating them much more better than we did them. I mean, WHAT THE HELL?! What's the point of comparing and getting freaking jealous THIS?!?! They complain about us bragging about the paternal family to them but never the opposite, when the whole thing is only because THEY'RE THE ONES ASKING ABOUT IT!

And here they are, now, going on about how we don't care about them! About how I don't know how to be filial to my maternal grandma. Comparing AGAIN, me to my brother and my cousin! That's just SO FREAKING GREAT! Accusing me of not coming over to help my Grandma, not showing them the respect they deserve and not even buying stuffs for them to eat, RIGHT. First of all, I did help her, just not EVERY SINGLE DAY, how could anyone, it's not as if you have totally NOTHING to do? Second, I admit sometimes I'm rather disrespectful towards her, but that's only if I'm is a totally pissed mood, and I did be good towards them, they're just either too blind to see it or thinks my being good towards them is trash. Lastly, I DID buy food for them, numerous times! And they still got the CHEEK to say it in MY FACE, that I DIDN'T! Then what's those stuffs I bought for them? TRASH, RUBBISH?!

Moreover, that damnable, detestable aunt of mine, she just likes to keep rubbing it in! Do you think it's freaking fun to keep remind or calling you FAT, EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY?! If you need a reminder, there's no one else better than her, she WON'T FAIL TO TELL YOU, YOU'RE FAT! To add on, she seems to think that anyone bigger than her own size are all FAT. It's a real PAIN IN THE ASS to keep hearing that kind of stupid comments EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL! They KNOW it, as well as me, or my family, that my mother is gone, forever, and she won't ever be coming back, and I will never be able to see her again. But YES, they HAVE to keep REMINDING us of that! As if we don't know it well enough! And they way they say it, it's as if we are some pathetic beggar on the streets that because no one sympathises with us, they are SO FREAKING COMPASSIONATE to throw us some tiny bit of their PITY! They did say that they PITY us because we don't have our mother anymore! PITY?! I don't freaking want it!

I don't want this kind of family, not now, not ever! It's as if my family itself isn't complicated and problematic enough! They NEVER FAIL to compare me with my younger brother or my younger cousin! Results, which is laughable to do it since we are not even in the same year! Or in terms of helping them, or the stupid thing about my brother buying food for them and I didn't! I DIDN'T! If they want that, they'll get that! Don't ever dream of me buying anything for them, NEVER!

Not to mention, there's this stupidly irritating feeling that someone is trying to avoid me or something. Really, if you know I'm talking about you, are you? Or are you ignoring me? It's real tiring to keep up with this, there's like no one whom I can talk to here anymore.

I feel like I've totally loose all hope for my family. This damned life I live, it just sucks. Sometimes, I wonder, why I am still trying, when they obviously don't give a freaking damn of what I did. Maybe they won't even care or know even if I die? I don't ever think there's anyone more than me who really wanted to be as far away from my family as I do. And here people wonder why I like to fantasize, to daydream. These thoughts are more or less, the only things that are precious to me and are keeping me from going crazy.