I just came home... The department of my temporary job had a department gathering just now. We ate dinner at East Coast together, it was a lot of fun. Then, somehow, I kinda got dragged into clubbing with them, something I've never done, nor is too interested to want to try. The moment I step into the club, I'm like... OMG!! The music is so damn loud, to the point where I thought I might be going deaf from it. Not to mention the bass and tune are so loud that they practically send tremours continuously throughout the entire place! I could feel the vibrations from the incredibly loud music getting to me, it made my throat throb, irritably so.

Then, they have these, small performances on the stage in the club, by three guys and girls. Er... to put it plainly, sensual dances. I especially drop my jaw in shock at one, where this guy came out in a fireman suit, then proceed to strip, eventually showing everyone in the crowd, his ass cheeks... Man... I almost thought I'm at a strip bar!! Though the other females there are like... screaming like crazy. During the part where he dropped the fireman suit pants, I can see a VERY noticeable bulge in his... I think that's a boxer. And that guy reach into his boxer and pull out... a water bottle?! By then I'm already laughing, how lame... And there's these three girls in the crowd who are super outstanding. They were dressed in weird dresses, and there's crowns and veins on their heads. They sat at the side of the stage, screaming like there's no tomorrow.

People go clubbing to dance and to drink, alcohol. The best part is, I don't like either of them! I totally have no freaking sense of rhythm to dance and I totally disliked the taste of alcohol. So what do i do there? Sit and chat, with whoever came beside me, from my group of course. I must have been the first and only person in history to go clubbing and still came out as somber as before, since I pretty much drank only 7-up the entire time...

There was a fish tank beside me in the club, there are three small lion fish, and two... something that looked vaguely like water snakes, though they looked weird. I wanted to take a picture of them, but it's too damn dark to see. Though this might probably me my first and last time clubbing. It totally doesn't interest me in the least, and I don't really like the atmosphere, it's too noisy, loud and crowded for my preference.

Gahh... I need to go get my sleep now... I still need to get up to go work in like... two hours time?!

It's crappy, downright DAMNED crappy! My maternal family that is! They always like to accuse me of not treating them good enough, that I don't deserve their care. Well, here's the thing, I DON'T CARE! It's a real stupid thing, really, always comparing my actions towards my paternal family's sides against theirs. WHAT IS THE FREAKING POINT OF IT?!?! Comparing and accusing us of treating them much more better than we did them. I mean, WHAT THE HELL?! What's the point of comparing and getting freaking jealous THIS?!?! They complain about us bragging about the paternal family to them but never the opposite, when the whole thing is only because THEY'RE THE ONES ASKING ABOUT IT!

And here they are, now, going on about how we don't care about them! About how I don't know how to be filial to my maternal grandma. Comparing AGAIN, me to my brother and my cousin! That's just SO FREAKING GREAT! Accusing me of not coming over to help my Grandma, not showing them the respect they deserve and not even buying stuffs for them to eat, RIGHT. First of all, I did help her, just not EVERY SINGLE DAY, how could anyone, it's not as if you have totally NOTHING to do? Second, I admit sometimes I'm rather disrespectful towards her, but that's only if I'm is a totally pissed mood, and I did be good towards them, they're just either too blind to see it or thinks my being good towards them is trash. Lastly, I DID buy food for them, numerous times! And they still got the CHEEK to say it in MY FACE, that I DIDN'T! Then what's those stuffs I bought for them? TRASH, RUBBISH?!

Moreover, that damnable, detestable aunt of mine, she just likes to keep rubbing it in! Do you think it's freaking fun to keep remind or calling you FAT, EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY?! If you need a reminder, there's no one else better than her, she WON'T FAIL TO TELL YOU, YOU'RE FAT! To add on, she seems to think that anyone bigger than her own size are all FAT. It's a real PAIN IN THE ASS to keep hearing that kind of stupid comments EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL! They KNOW it, as well as me, or my family, that my mother is gone, forever, and she won't ever be coming back, and I will never be able to see her again. But YES, they HAVE to keep REMINDING us of that! As if we don't know it well enough! And they way they say it, it's as if we are some pathetic beggar on the streets that because no one sympathises with us, they are SO FREAKING COMPASSIONATE to throw us some tiny bit of their PITY! They did say that they PITY us because we don't have our mother anymore! PITY?! I don't freaking want it!

I don't want this kind of family, not now, not ever! It's as if my family itself isn't complicated and problematic enough! They NEVER FAIL to compare me with my younger brother or my younger cousin! Results, which is laughable to do it since we are not even in the same year! Or in terms of helping them, or the stupid thing about my brother buying food for them and I didn't! I DIDN'T! If they want that, they'll get that! Don't ever dream of me buying anything for them, NEVER!

Not to mention, there's this stupidly irritating feeling that someone is trying to avoid me or something. Really, if you know I'm talking about you, are you? Or are you ignoring me? It's real tiring to keep up with this, there's like no one whom I can talk to here anymore.

I feel like I've totally loose all hope for my family. This damned life I live, it just sucks. Sometimes, I wonder, why I am still trying, when they obviously don't give a freaking damn of what I did. Maybe they won't even care or know even if I die? I don't ever think there's anyone more than me who really wanted to be as far away from my family as I do. And here people wonder why I like to fantasize, to daydream. These thoughts are more or less, the only things that are precious to me and are keeping me from going crazy.

Woo~Hoo~ One problem off my list~!! My graduation's officially over, today!!! Yay~~ I so hope that I never would need to wear covered high heels again... those things nearly killed my feet today! It freaking STING when I'm bathing!!! And well, you could even say that I'm dehydrating the entire time throughout the ceremony when I'm not in the auditorium, since I practically sweated non-stop. The damn graduation robe is super thick and heavy! Gahh.. it's damn bulky to sit down with. Maa... at least it's over. Oh.. and I saw Miss Leong there! Haha... she's acting as one of the MCs who announces the names of the graduads for my course! I'm super glad that it's over, though it's still rather stupid, that I still have to go back one of the days next week just to return the robe...

I just watched a japanese movie not long ago, it's called: Tonari no 801 chan. 801 is read as 'Yaoi', ring any bells? It's a super humorous one, the story is about this guy, who has a girlfriend who is an extreme BL otaku! I'll be worried if I'm a guy and lives in Japan too, if my girlfriend turns out to be anything like that. Though, I'm not, and I nearly laugh myself hoarse watching that. The one scene in there that I remember most lividly, is, one where, the girlfriend is at home, eating dinner with her mother and sister, and her sister suddenly asked: "Ne, Nee-chan, Kenshin to Sanosuke wa, homo na no?" (note: Kenshin and Sanosuke are characters from the translated title, Samurai X). But it's really useful when you just want to watch something for a good laugh.

Talking about Japan, last Sunday, My sister's watching the Japan Hour show on TV. One scene showed them visiting a traditional Japan kite making shop, where they roughly showed how they made the skeleton of the kites. And she asked, me, you can use that paper for the kite one meh? I replied, do I look like I know, or live in Japan?! The next one showed them going to an Onsen for a bath, she asked me again, how much is that in singapore dollars? I replied sagain, do I look like I live in Japan or do you think I memorize the everyday currency changes for Japan?! Seriously, the way she keeps asking me is as if she thinks I practically memorize or knew every single thing about Japan, from their culture, to history, to practices, to lifestyle and all other details. And really, if I really knew, would you think I'll still be here talking to you?

Oho... it's been 2 months since I last came here...

Well... it's my third month into my temporary job, you can say I rather enjoyed it though. Though there are weird stuffs happening there... My brain's being overloaded by a lot of thoughts nowadays... and I have a feeling it's going to explode soon if this continues, unless I managed to sort them out.

1. Irritated with the two Unis... (I'm not even sure if I still wanna study anymore)

2. Was recommended by my lecturer for the DT position in NYP (A good opportunity and chance I guess... if I can managed to pass both the upcoming interview that is...)

3. The graduation ceremony next week (Not that I worried about the graduation itself, what I'm worried about is my feet! Gahh!! The damn shoe is killing my feet!!!)

4. The weather... (As it keeps flicking back and forth from hot to cold, I have a feeling I'll be getting sick soon...)

5. My skin (It's being a pain in the ass, as it always has, and I'm super tempted to scrub it off, though I have no idea how)

6. The ever existing problem, or rather, issue about what you're gonna do in the future (Can't make up my mind, can't decide, I guess, the main things is, I have to see if I'm still gonna be studying, everything else might be easier after knowing that fact, though I'm not sure now, so...)

I'm getting a headache even thinking about these... Grrr....!!!! I just hope they'll be sorted and solved soon... Or I'll probably go crazy soon! (Messes up hair)